Anxiety

I think that part, if not the majority, of my hesitation in obtaining employment has to do with my previous track record. To wit: Every time in the past that I have received a steady income or come into a little money it has taken me a very short time before I would think that I could consume alcohol without any negative consequences. I was hard headed and wrong! Before I even realized what had happened I would be broke and homeless once again, usually in a different city. I know and don’t desire to be completely broke for the rest of my life, but I am nervous. I do need a little income to take care of daily expenses. I’m fortunate that my rent is being paid, so at least I do have a safe and warm place to sleep. I guess that this is the first step in recovery: Admitting that I do have a problem with alcohol. I know what I need to do in order to stay sober. The problem is in ignoring that voice in my head that tells me that I can handle a couple of drinks without losing my job and blowing all of my money. I have not abandoned my hope and my ambitions. I just get a little complacent and discouraged at times. I know that I have the potential to accomplish most anything, but I wonder sometimes if it is worth the effort. I guess that I do get a little cynical and morbid at times. More later: I have other things that I want to do.

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