November 26, 2012

I had another lonely Thanksgiving; didn’t even
have any turkey. I don’t know what the matter with me is. I need to make some definite
changes in my life. I’ve always had so much ambition and there are so many
things that I want to do. I’m going to turn over a new leaf and really get into
Drug and Alcohol Counseling and develop a Christian Worldview. I want to use my
experience to help other homeless people. All I need is to be given the right
opportunities. I get so lethargic and discouraged. I really need to get busy
and find some source of income. Maybe I suffer from a mild case of depression.
There is so much wasted love and potential within me just waiting for a chance
to burst forth. I know that I am rambling right now, but I’m just putting down
my thoughts as they come. I need to practice my writing as this is another
activity that I want to do. I want to write edifying essays etc. to help
others. Perhaps some short stories. I know that I have the intelligence to
accomplish anything in life that is within God’s will for me. I am so
wishy-washy. There are so many enjoyable things to do in life that it is very difficult
to stay focused on one thing. Here I am, 56, and have never had a serious
relationship in my life. I feel so very lonely. Why have I been so hard headed
and allowed alcohol to screw up my life? I could and should be on the top of
the world by this time of life. Oh well, never too late to get onto the right
track. I still have many more good productive years ahead. I could just give up
and just survive, but as I’ve said before: I have way too much hope and dreams
for myself to do that. I want help make the world a better place; something
that everyone should do. There is way too much greed and selflessness!

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