April 18, 2012

Beautiful warm day in Vegas. It’s suppose to get up into the mid 90’s by this weekend. Yeah, I like hot weather.

Well, so much for quitting smoking. I threw away over half a pack of cigs. last night in my Smoking Cessation class, with every intention of quitting today as soon as I woke up this morning. But, I bummed a cigarette from my roommate the first thing. Then I went over to the 7-11 later and bought a pack. Also I just went into the room where we had our class last night and fished that pack out of the trash can. What is wrong with me? I am so weak and have no will power. I do want to give up this nasty, expensive habit, but don’t know if I ever can. I have such an addictive personality. Once I get hooked on something I can’t seem to give it up permanently.

Oh well, I’m all alone in life with no one to care about me but myself. I am a middle aged man with a lot of love inside me and no outlet for it. There probably isn’t even anyone reading this journal. I am just one in over forty billion people who have lived on this planet, so who would really care about an average Joe such as myself. One day I’ll be dead and will have passed into the great beyond (perhaps Heaven) and what will this one insignificant life of mine really matter in the grand scope of the Universe? Perhaps I’m being a bit morbid, but that’s the way I feel sometimes. All I want to be is happy in this life and make some small contribution to society. I’ll worry about the next life when and if I get there.

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